And so the countdown begins. Again.

Here I am again, when the ticking of the clock starts getting ominous, at a point that i was at just over a year ago, when the seconds tick away slowly, each one ticking away too fast for comfort, counting down towards the moment when i get on that damn jet plane, and really don't know when i'll be back again. This time around, i'm filled with a mixture of feelings that has no fixed name, but rather is a mixture of fear, nervousness, longing and confusion. For here I'm torn between two paths, the one that i so dearly wish to take, and the one that i know i must, for i chose this path long ago, and there can be no turning back.
Why does going away have to be so hard? Everyone keeps telling me how lucky i am to have all this, and indeed i am truly so, it still fills me with a sense of dread and fear, fear of what lies ahead, for being away for so long has made me realise how much this place is a part of me. And yet, leave it i must. For there is no other choice.
Day by day, as the clock ticks life away, the dread increases. And sadly enough, so does the loneliness, for as everyone slowly gets busy with their own work and studies, i feel lonelier and more alone than ever. For it is at this time, that i need that feeling of comfort that one gets from one's friends.
I so dearly wish that i didn't have to go, for now i know not when i will return. All I know, is that it will be a long time before i do.